so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
