Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
