I smell stomach acid.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
