remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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