Who did Billy Mays play for?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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