you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
