So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
