i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
