I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Four minutes until I can fart!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
