I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
