Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
