what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
