Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
