Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
