Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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