I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
