i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
