Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
