im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
