oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
