when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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