im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
