please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
