I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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