Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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