Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
