Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
