You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
