Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
