You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
