dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
