im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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