I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
only if we run a train.
done.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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