Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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