Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
