please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
