He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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