We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
