Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
