Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
