i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
