I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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