I should be sponsored by Trojan
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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