He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
