So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ketchup is God's man juice
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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