I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
