Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
