the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
