PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
