yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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