roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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