I am midnight drunk by noon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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