she was so not down for the gang bang
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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