I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
