i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
