Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
